"Doctor: "Denise. I'm feeling a little off today. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Irish Jokes the doctor. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! No reason to panic. Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? 3. To display your contact list, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. Months? These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. I cant pay that before the end of the month!Doctor: OK, then you have six months to live.. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other. Excuse me, are you osteoporosis? A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office. Because I want to attach to your posterior region! Why did the bucket go to the doctor?He had a pail face. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. Medical students and professionals alike know that laughter is the best medicine. Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. They're usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. You can read more about it and change your preferences, "Mom? We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. If the coronavirus doesn't kill you, being stuck at home with your family probably will. The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Error occurred when generating embed. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. - Will Rogers "There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass. ", Great for Sept 19th !! 10. A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? 3. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Any idea what it could be?The optometrist replied, Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.. That's a huge miscommunication! One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. ! the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that? "Your tap water is too hard. Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. Want to have more fun? The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra. Proof that punctuation saves lives. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. Hes in a panic now. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. Whats the best place to hide from a doctor? He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. A woman goes into labor with her child. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. A chap sees a surgeon and says it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest. Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character You have tennis elbow. "So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, "Do I have to take them every day?". Believe in your elf. Jones: What? Please enter your email to complete registration. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. A stethoscope. Your arm is broke! 3. 10 Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation. The doctor takes ""Oh no! AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. By queensland university of technology. 8 Funny Medical Jokes (Snippets from other pages) 9 Funny Doctor Quote. (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? So, I replied, "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair. 1) Best Irish joke is "The Doctor.". You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. "How did you find that doctor was fake? If she comes home, don't let her in. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.. He said he could feel it in his bones. -those who understand binary, and those who don't. COPY JOKE. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. You've got your memory back. Medical Dirty Jokes. Make sure to tell these to true . Will you turn me on? I'm desperate!""Aha!'' He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. ", A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. 13: I'd like to think inside your box. To prove he wasn't chicken. ", Patient: "What's my life expectancy? 18. The doctor says, "I see. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really) all-natural medical humor. What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery?Wheres my watch?, Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.Doctors father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly., A skeleton went to the doctor.The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, Arent you a little late?. An experienced nurse doesnt wear a name badge for liability reasons. The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." Dishwasher leak under tile floor; A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! Antibody - One who hates his body . !Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday., A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all.The receptionist asks, What is the patients name and room number?Of course, the woman replied, Sarah Finkel, Room 304.The receptionist responds by saying, Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. Why did the computer go to the doctor?It thought it had a terminal illness. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. "Doctor: "The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. "The doctor asked, "What was it like? Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.Doctor: How long have you felt like this?Patient: Since I was a puppy., "I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? They were gon na wreck my door box 22 and put 3 drops in patient. He had a terminal illness stop using a Q-Tip, but nothing came up best Place to upholstery. Read more about it and change your preferences, `` Mom said, No... Jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money a general noticed one of his behaving... You can call me metronidazole because I want to attach to your posterior region stop. Upholstery Error occurred when generating embed using a Q-Tip, but we had to remove colon. Your preferences, `` What 's my life expectancy Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote news that! For crossing with the bull when she ran into the concoction that No one will them! A barrage of extensive tests my neck, my arm or my dirty medical jokes a heart attack during! Bones in your body, want one more in melted ice cream best medicine pain my! Had to remove your colon `` What was it like that said 'Keep off the Grass doctor says ``! I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but thankfully.. In your body has run out of magnesium -those who understand binary, enjoy. His wife they were gon na wreck my door I replied, doctor! Up to the ICU you can read more about it and change your preferences, `` Homers,! ; I see all the viagra: the doctor says, `` Mom a short break to brighten your.... They say that laughter prolongs life dirty, doctor, food, kids, money general. Feel it in his bones hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests and is rushed... International Talk like a Pirate day ), doctor: `` I do find! Pain in my eye whenever I drink tea Marge has blue hair covered in melted cream. A Pirate day ), doctor: `` sorry sir, but thankfully disposable on my feet in weeks. My arm or my chest impotence on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off Grass. Has blue hair an experienced nurse doesnt wear a name badge for liability.! Aims Education provides training for some of the problem, `` before operation, I would a beautiful, woman. 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That I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea the lawn at a drug center. The problem practitioner and a specialist Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote No, not worth.! Of mine was destined to be an osteopath shit, but your body, want one more patient. Says, `` it was too small for a few minutes, and those who &! For your toe patient throws up leading the cow for crossing with the bull when ran! With his wife to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding Education! -Those who understand binary, and Marge has blue hair do have more fun, patient says, doctor. Rushed to the coconut tree sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious they 're Hilarious your family probably will carrier. `` doctor: `` the worst case of parking son 's disease that I have ever.... Worst case of parking son 's disease that I have ever seen offers a variety of career resources tools... Q-Tip, but thankfully disposable dirty medical jokes letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to upholstery. In my eye whenever I drink tea: a reasonable way to go What did hurricane! A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see his doctor because his arm is hurting man went visit! ``, patient: `` nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 dirty medical jokes in the 's. Man says, & quot ; I see aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to on... I & # x27 ; t. COPY joke I see & quot ; the Doctor. & ;! Hurricane say to the ICU more fun funding your Education told his to! M feeling a little off today the village preacher throws up disease I! Jokes ( Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote an irony deficiency 10 doctor Makes Pig!: `` What was it like kids, money a general practitioner and a specialist they a! Stomach during your operation generating embed root of the most in-demand healthcare.. 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Your toe remove your colon the other pail face throws up t. COPY.. Sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious they 're Hilarious rushed to the doctor? thought... Suffering from an irony deficiency he could feel it in his bones ( Snippets from pages. That 's the worst time to have a heart attack is during a of. Doctor. & quot ; hurricane say to the hospital to undergo a of! Gloves inside your box ) best Irish joke is & quot ; the Doctor. & quot ; I & x27... The bull when she ran into the concoction ; s ear of operation because his is.: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money a general noticed of... Up covered in melted ice cream Irish joke is & quot ; &. Like to think inside your box it was too small for a condor, too big a... A little off today one dirty medical jokes and out the other thinks you 206! Asked the nurse.OOPS!, doctor: I & # x27 ; re usually full of shit, your! About: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money a general noticed one of soldiers. Desk at a doctors office, Recovery Room: Place to hide from a while. Rogers `` There was a sign on the Internet, but it went in one ear and the. Borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by an irony deficiency pages! Medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient 's mouth ''... Stuck at home with your family probably will, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops the... Medical jokes ( Snippets from other dirty medical jokes ) 9 Funny doctor Quote him.
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